Up, Up and Awaaay!

That’s just where my pussycat Hero will be spending her time while I am away – when she is not receiving visitors.

…But not with TAA* – with Tiger Airlines. It’s 5am on Wednesday morning, still dark, but I’m at the end of my driveway waiting to be picked up by a friend. Then we’re off to the airport to be whisked away on a two-day adventure in Bris-vegas. What fun!

Ostensibly I am going to see the Valentino retrospective showing at the Queensland Art Gallery (for some unknown and deeply mysterious reason this exhibition is not travelling to the southern states). To honour the maestro I will be wearing a red silk dress that features shirring at the waist, and very pretty short sleeves like tulip petals. It is not (ahem) by Valentino, but at least it is in his signature colour.

The exhibition finishes this weekend – see it if you possibly can. Bye, must fly!

* Who remembers that darling little jingle? It was used by both TAA (AU) and TWA (US) airlines.

The Monster Shoes

Rather than a mere ‘little trifle’, this pair of suede shoes is more a monstrous oodle. They are amongst the giants of the shoe world. The leviathans. The dinosaurs. And the reptile skin panels, colossal metallic platforms and towering heels do nothing to dispel this notion.

When Î first tried them on in the shoe store, another shopper watched in bemusement as I tried a few paces. “They look impossible to walk in.”

“They’re surprisingly comfortable,” I informed her. “Quite well-balanced.” Unlike the other pair of platforms I tried on.

Admittedly, they did feel quite weighty at the end of my leg. Like I could easily squash bugs and small birds alike underfoot, without blinking an eye. Is this how horses feel when they are first shod?

…I could easily squash bugs and small birds alike underfoot, without blinking an eye.

I have one small complaint however: the upwards curve of the sole at the toes does produce a forward rolling emotion that might make me seasick if I attempted to run in them. (If I was so foolish as to attempt such a stunt.) No, these shoes require a delicate gait; a mincing prance that I always imagined eighteenth century dandies were forced to adopt in their ridiculous high heels.

The first time I wore them in public, I gingerly walked down to the bus stop, bracing myself for a general public outcry. In fact, an elderly gentleman of the road couldn’t stop staring at me in disbelief for the entire trip to Thornbury.

These little beauties are awesome for creating a sensation: jaws drop; loud, predictable exclamations follow. All that attention is quite tiresome, even for me. This is the real reason I have only worn them about three times… 

The Woman in White

Inspired by the book The Woman in White, by Wilkie Collins, this ensemble is only Victorian in spirit, for it is comprised from clothing of very different eras, some separated by 100 years.

The white linen skirt is Victorian – or possibly early Edwardian. Just floor length on me, it features a ruffle on the hem, and a slight train – possibly a remnant of the Victorian bustle, as the owner of the Etsy boutique suggested. As the average height of a Victorian woman was 5’3” (three inches shorter than me) with a waist of 25”, this skirt must have been made for a giantess. (Some incidental trivia: Jane Austen was my height, and considered tall for her era.)

Its texture is ribbed; a very sturdy fabric that has stood the test of time – and the rigours of modern-day cleaning products: oxygenated Napisan (a stain-remover and whitener that is safe for most garments). There are also two period mends that are barely discernible.

The shirt is by She’s Beck, a now-defunct Australian fashion label. I bought this in the early Noughties on sale. I loved the pinstriped shirting, the gathered sleeves, and the military detail of the single pleated epaulet attached to a purposefully ripped shoulder seam. The latter detail always astonishes people.

A white leather obi belt by Witchery is reminiscent of a corset (without the associated agony and breathing difficulties).

The white straw hat is vintage 1930s, bought on eBay for a song. There is a darling little black velvet bow that nestles just under the upturned brim, above my chignon. The black onyx and sterling silver earrings I made myself, when I realised there was a gap in my earring collection for simple bauble drops that go with anything.

Black and white stripes always add a storybook flavour: the striped stockings are new, also found on eBay. White leather Boston Belle sandals that have managed to turn up in a few photoshoots were a good find in a charity shop for a few dollars.

I roam the gardens of Daylesford Convent, a 19^th century mansion built in 1860, the same year The Woman in White was published. A fitting setting for an outfit inspired by one of the first mystery novels. 

To see additional angles and extras, check out the Out-takes & Extras gallery.

Sprinkle Spangles

Cupcake sports glamorous striped angora mittens by Peter Alexander, designed for sleep or loungewear. As if that notion was not enchanting enough for his customers: the designer took it upon himself to sprinkle spangles on them.

To be worn strictly with a silky satin slip… but not to the office Cupcake. 

A Gentlemanly Art

Adolpho perfects the art of matching his tie to the wallpaper.

Apparently fake ties are quite comme il faut amongst professional bouncers. Why? Because when a bouncer gets dragged (quite by his own fault of course) into an unseemly bout of fisticuffs, he can’t be strangled by his own tie. The elastic defeats the most determined of unruly barflies.

Better yet is the bowtie: because it is considered amusing, even clownish, it is sure to defuse a tense situation, thereby avoiding brawls with pugnacious patrons.

Apparently fake ties are quite comme il faut amongst professional bouncers.

However, if the gentleman – or the lady interested in storming this last bastion of men’s attire – is not a doorman, he might be interested in the half-windsor knot. Or even the four-in-hand.

Perhaps in fact, he – or she – is not well-versed in such niceties. 

Standing his ground: Adolpho demonstrates the art of withstanding all forms of blandishment.

In this case, let us today examine the half-windsor knot. This is a symmetrical tie that will be appropriate for any dress shirt, unlike the aforementioned four-in-hand which is oddly skewed (but good for button-down shirts seemingly).

Click on image for larger version. Download and print for future reference.

Doesn’t look complicated at all, does it? Be thankful that this is not the heydey of the cravat. This neckband originated in 17th century Croatia, and by many accounts there were hundreds of complicated styles to choose from, and tying them was in fact an artform. Crumpling three in a row and taking half an hour to knot one was a common occurrence.

Click image for larger version. (L-R) A self-patterned foulard cravat fastened with a cluster pearl pin is worn in the neck of a tailored suit with short revers; Kendal Milne fashion (Ph. Chaloner Woods, Getty Images); the modern man’s cravat in white, Burberry Prorsum Fall 2009; Oh, Mr Darcy! (Colin Firth as); a black cravat for today’s fashionista, Reyes Fall 2007; the original incarnation: Portrait of a Dandy with a White Cravat (c. 1815), Louis-Léopold Boilly.Still want to expand your horizons? Go to Tie-A-Tie for more than you ever thought you’d need to know about this gentlemanly art.

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Many thanks to Volodya for his patience, good humour and willingness to throw himself into any robe role!