Fascinator Begone!

Model Charlotte Pallister wearing a dress by Antonio Berardi and a hat by Stephen Jones. Ph: Simon ProctorFor some strange reason, I imagined that the fashions on the fields of Royal Ascot would be somewhat classier than those of Melbourne’s Spring Racing Carnival. I don’t know what I was thinking. It seems that the English know how to destroy a hat even better than the Australians.

But this year something has been done about it. The fashion police have done their level best to stamp out (to use a horsey analogy) race day trashiness.

It’s about time the fashion police made use of their power and trampled those nasty little things [fascinators] underfoot.

Model Charlotte Pallister wearing a dress by Dior and a hat by Stephen Jones. Ph: Simon ProctorRoyal Ascot has passed a new decree on dress for those wishing to enter the Royal Enclosure, and it’s all about demure elegance: modest skirt lengths, and no naked shoulders or midriffs. Really? No naked midriffs? Quelle surprise! I was more interested to read that fascinators have been forbidden (well, except for very substantial ones). Hallelujah! It’s about time the fashion police made use of their power and trampled those nasty little things underfoot.

Some of the new Ascot dress codes (for more, click here):

• Dresses and skirts should be of modest length defined as falling just above the knee or longer
• Midriffs must be covered
• Fascinators are no longer permitted in the Royal Enclosure; neither are headpieces which do not have a base covering a sufficient area of the head (4 inches/10cm)

For their official campaign, the Racecourse has produced a series of photographs of an English rose sporting hats by Stephen Jones (a refreshing change from the ubiquitous Philip Treacy). The images were inspired by Richard Avedon’s famous image of Dovima with the Elephants (below), published in Harper’s Bazaar in 1955.

Dovima and the Elephants, by Richard Avedon for Harper’s Bazaar, 1955Hurrah, a return to elegance! But I wonder how successful they were in enforcing it? Surely there were flouters, or loopholers? Indeedy yes, one only has to do a quick Google search to discover that a lamentably large number of woman had not the slightest interest in entering the Royal Enclosure, alas …

The Strange Dichotomy of the Super-Jumper

In these dark and dreary days in the depths of winter’s dreadful grasp … when the chill winds nip at your noses and fingertips … when frostbite steadily climbs from feet frozen in the icy tundra of the city streets … when one puff of breath solidifies from one moment to the next in the arctic air — Oh, very well, I exaggerate slightly. It’s not the depths of winter yet; it’s not even July after all.

I’m like the Little Match Girl at work … “Please,” I beg the Fierce Guardian of the Thermostat, “please let me turn the heater on again!”

To continue: What, I ask you, what will save us from turning into lumps of solid ice overnight? I’m like the Little Match Girl at work (except that striking matches is inadvisable because of the extremely sensitive smoke alarms (did you know that it costs $3000 to pay for the firetrucks which come in response to alarms, which is expensive if it’s a case of burnt toast)): “Please,” I beg the Fierce Guardian of the Thermostat, “please let me turn the heater on again!” (The FGT is in direct line of fire (pun intended) of the heating vents, so she gets too hot, while I shiver miserably at my desk.)

But wait! All is not lost. Super-Jumper comes to the rescue! (Or Super-Sweater if you’re American; Super-Jersey if you’re a Brit.)

Meet my Super-Jumper. It’s from MNG. Actually, I bought it from a charity shop for a few dollars because I liked its enormous funnel neck (clothes-as-sculpture) and the cable knit, and the charcoal grey colour. And the three-quarter sleeves.

I quickly discovered why it had those: because if you wear the jumper on your way to work under a coat, you need to have an air-vent somewhere. I usually arrive at the office with an over-heated bosom (I was really tempted to chuck in another literary cliché here and say ‘heaving bosom’, but you can see I managed to resist), and frozen arms.

The funnel neck’s secondary purpose, and a more stylish alternative to the balaclavaAfter I cool down/defrost, the jumper keeps me at an even keel until the afternoon, when the office finally begins to lose its frosty edge and we can see people on the other side of the room – and I start to steam a little again. (This strange dichotomy might possibly be why the jumper was relegated to the charity bin in the first place.) But I still really love the jumper. It’s just so cool. And yet it’s hot.

The funnel neck is also good for casting shifty-eyed glances at the FGT over the top of …

The Polka-Dot Cure

After a very long week of hard work, horrible weather of incessant rain and wet feet, I feel it high time for an antidote. I’m calling in the big guns: something frivolous; something polka-dotted and pink; something bearing ruffles.

This darling silk chiffon scarf fluttering in the breeze here is double-layered and full of calories. The two layers are sewn down the middle to create the ruffle. When I saw it hanging in a boutique in Noosa a few months ago I nearly swooned. I had to have it for my own. It’s polka-dotted! How could I possibly resist such sweet temptation?

Let’s pretend summer is not months and months away*, and celebrate.

* And if you live in the northern hemisphere, you lucky sod, I don’t want to hear about it!

The Onyx Graveyard

Fragments :: Loftus // DC // No flashYou would THINK I’d learned to be careful after all these years of living with a ceramic tiled floor. After already smashing two black onyx rings. After spending months searching high and low for replacements, trawling online boutiques and making countless tearful phone calls (I exaggerate slightly). But no.

Yesterday I did it again. I just let that ring s l i p from my grasp and drop to the floor, and in those last milliseconds before it crash-landed and smashed into fragments, I felt that familiar resignation stealing over me.

Happily I opened a drawer in my jewellery box and pulled out a replacement, tenderly placing it with my other favourite rings on the stand. I put the fragments in its place with the others – a little pile of shards to make an onyx graveyard.

Now I’d better get back online to find a replacement for the replacement, because sure as check I’ll be needing it soon.

Bones :: Loftus // DC // No flash

What I Actually Wore #0059

Serial #: 0059
Date: 03/11/2011
Weather: forecast 18°
Time Allowed: 10 minutes

It was Melbourne Cup Day, and as usual, it was cold and overcoast. Rather than gambling my finances away, I was heading out with friends for brunch. Even if we were not going to the races, I was going to wear a hat, come what may. I had not yet had a chance to wear a striped silk confection from Tarnished Past Vintage Hats, one of my favourite eBay stores, so that – and the rain – decided the theme for my outfit.

1930s silk striped tilt hat, from The Vintage Hat SeriesI pulled out my vintage shocking pink silk raincoat (another of my favourite eBay purchases), and accessorised with ditto pink heels. With all that pink, I thought the remainder of my garments ought to be plain as can be. I went monochrome, with my new antique white lace blouse from Barcelona, and a pair of wide-legged black pants. In fact, everything I am wearing (no, not my undies! … or my shoes) is vintage.

Fortunately I remembered to carry my umbrella too – the frilled pink one – for true to form for the holiday, it rained.

NB I am sure I carried a handbag, but for the life of me I can’t recall which, nor did it seem to occur to me to include it at the time of the photoshoot. I would hazard a guess that it was either black or white.

I love the bow at the back of the hat that sits just above my French roll

Items:

Top: vintage
Pants: Dizingof
Hat: vintage, from Tarnished Past Vintage Hats
Earrings: handmade sterling silver baubles
Ring: Autore
Shoes: Zoe Wittner