The Ugly Hat

My mum shows a real talent for unearthing both hilarious and horrid things from her daughters’ childhoods or adolescence. Once it was a single crocheted glove that belonged to my sister Star; another time a pair of olive green velvet knickerbockers of mine (which mournfully no longer fitted me so I donated them to charity).

Then more recently there was this blue hat. It was part of my uniform I wore for my casual job at the Arnott’s biscuit factory during my art school years. Behold it in all its polyester glory. Isn’t it hideous? Ladies with long hair had to wear hairnets too – fortunately I escaped that horrible fate. I had to laugh when I put it on again though, it actually somewhat resembles a 20s cloche – the kind a maid wore. (My vintage 20s duster cap is much prettier.) Which is quite apt as the repugnance I have for this hat probably owes more to its associations with my past servitude than intrinsic ugliness.  

This is one accessory which will not be taken out in the light of day (or the dark of night for that matter), but I am too sentimental to part with it. 

Thou Shalt Not Own Any Ugly or Dowdy Clothing

THE FOURTH FASHION COMMANDMENT

I purchased these daggy clothes from a charity store especially for this shoot (except for the vintage silk crocheted vest) – I was exceptionally pleased to find those supremely sensible sandals! Ugliness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. It is entirely subjective: one woman’s sartorial treasure is another’s fash trash. But with the irony prevalent today and the endemic fondness for kitsch, you may be forgiven for wondering if ‘ugly’ exists any more. We are not even safe from the decade that style forgot: the 1980s – designers have plundered that era and wrung every hideous nuance out of it, regurgitating it for the dubious pleasure of the Teensies generation.

What are ugly clothes anyway?

Before I wander any further into a denunciation on the taste of modern arbiters of style, let me define exactly what I mean by the Fourth Commandment.

As already stated, notions of ugliness and dowdiness – or to use an antipodean colloquialism, dagginess – are relatively subjective. In regard to personal fashion choices, this refers to garments that make you feel wholly unattractive, as opposed to someone else’s opinion of what is chic.

One of the most famously chic women in history: Wallis Simpson

Why should chic matter?

But why is this important? It is not about vanity or materialism, but rather self-esteem. Self-confidence makes the difference in every walk of life. No one should fade into the background or be otherwise overlooked because of what they wear – because every human being has value. But realistically, people will take you at face value, at least at first. The good news is that you can exercise some control over that by the worth you place on yourself. It is in your hands to be sure that first impression is a good, and lasting one.

Edith Head, the famous Hollywood costume designer said, ‘You can have whatever you want if you dress for it.’ Well, it might take a little more than clothes, but they will give you a running start.

Read on to find out just when ugly happens to good people, what are the Seven Ugly Sins, and how to avoid committing them …

The impeccable Katherine HepburnThe gamine and unpretentious Audrey Hepburn

When does ugly happen?

Who’s had the experience of walking down a street and, catching sight of some pitiable female reflected in a window, thought, ‘My goodness, what is that poor, daggy woman wearing?’ – only to realise on a gasp of horror that it is yourself? That is a personal crash with ugly, and we have all been through it at one time or other in our lives. It is a momentary lapse of the subjective into the objective, and we should all learn from that experience and use it to make our wardrobes smarter. (How ironic that it is this reflection of our unwary selves – this inadvertent glimpse of ‘another’ – that makes us suddenly aware of how others truly see us, and just how much we judge others.)

Often the cause of the offence is badly fitting clothes, garments that don’t flatter one’s figure, or an outfit that is particularly dull and depressing. Sometimes it is a catastrophically Bad Hair Day that prompts that dismay. I believe on a dull winter’s day it is particularly important to wear something cheerful, but, incomprehensibly, it is the season when many seem to wear nothing but black, grey and brown. They become stuck in a fashion rut, which can easily degrade into dagginess.

Don’t own any daggy clothing, and you will never feel daggy.

Once a friend, Ermintrude* (*names have been changed to protect the innocent) exclaimed on an outing with me, ‘I feel so daggy next to you!’ My pragmatic response was this: ‘Don’t own any daggy clothing, and you will never feel daggy.’ Simple as that.

While researching this story, another friend, Griselda*, said to me, ‘sometimes it’s not that individual items of clothing are daggy, it’s how they are combined. Some people just don’t know how to style themselves,’ she finished sadly, shaking her head. This is true, but there are some potholes in the road to stylishness that are easy to avoid and will give you a head start.

Honestly, wouldn’t you rather wear cute leather brogues laced with vintage silk ribbon than sensible (and boring) flats? Did I mention they squeaked too? Ugh.

THE SEVEN UGLY SINS 

1. Wearing clothes that don’t fit
2. Not paying attention to proportion
3. Buying poor quality garments
4. Not dressing appropriately for the occasion
5. Wearing colours that don’t flatter your complexion
6. Taking fashion too seriously
7. Keeping clothes past their wear-by date

Fit

Wear clothes that actually fit your body. Too-large or baggy clothing is probably the leading cause of dowdiness, especially when worn tandem in a loose shirt and skirt combination. Too-small clothes will make you simply uncomfortable. Neither of these looks will flatter your figure nor do anything to boost your confidence.

Proportion

If you wear a loose and flowing top, pair a slim fitting skirt or trousers with it, and vice versa. Use clothing to emphasise the good points of your figure rather than accentuating the bad. Interesting details and strong colours will draw the eye – take advantage of that.

For example, an always-risky fashion choice is a baggy top on a large bust. It drops straight down and obscures your figure – chances are some foolish person will ask you if you are pregnant. (This happened to a friend of mine – her bus driver asked her when her baby was due!) This style of top is akin to a muu-muu, which can rarely claim any pretensions to glamour.

Glamour in 1975: Lauren Hutton at the OscarsSummertime chic: Milla JovovichCate Blanchett rarely puts a foot wrong, on or off the red carpet

Quality

Cheap is not chic, and ultimately, it will not make you cheerful either. Good quality clothing made from natural fibres that is cut well is always going to give you an advantage in the style stakes. It also holds its shape and colour better through numerous laundering. There is nothing sadder than badly faded and holey leisurewear, especially cheap garments. Do yourself a favour and throw them out! And pay attention to the garment care label – your clothes will last longer if you launder them properly.  

People inarguably and inevitably do judge by appearances, so put your best shoe forward …

Occasion

Wear garments to suit the occasion. I am a very firm believer that tracksuits and runners (and all types of exercise gear) belong on the running track, or the gym. That is all. An oft-heard adage is that it’s better to be overdressed than underdressed, and I agree. People inarguably and inevitably do judge by appearances, so put your best shoe forward – you never know whom you might meet on your way to buying a carton of milk.

Colour

If you find your outfits look dull, it’s probably time to introduce some colour. Always make sure the colour nearest your face suits you and brightens your complexion. Black is so popular because it’s slimming and easy, but it doesn’t suit everyone. If it makes you look sallow, try adding a scarf in a hue that suits you, or don’t wear it on top at all.

I have always loved Gwyneth Paltrow’s all-American, Calvin Klein-fuelled minimalist chicNot one to play it safe, Diane Kruger always looks gorgeous and elegant

Fun

Have some fun with fashion – it doesn’t all have to be super-serious and office-ready, or completely practical. Even purely corporate looks benefit from interesting details, if only with the addition of a high-fashion scarf or interesting buttons on your shirt. This is where accessories come into their own.

Age

Shabby is NOT chic (who coined that vile appellation?). Take care of your clothes. Beyond simply cleaning them, do mend tears, repair hems and sew buttons back on before you wear them again. A darned hole is infinitely preferable to a hole. I must confess I have been guilty of wearing holey knits because I abhor darning, and I can testify that it does attract unfavourable attention.

… consider this revolutionary alternative: clothes that are attractive and comfortable.

Don’t keep tired worn-out clothes that are past their use-by date merely because they feel comfortable. When old clothes have stretched out of shape from use and many washings, it’s time to bin them. Be ruthless about this. There are only so many daggy old tracksuit pants that you need to keep for when you paint the house. Instead, consider this revolutionary alternative: clothes that are attractive and comfortable.

Please remember, if the garments in question are in such a sorry state then don’t donate them to a charity store – poor people don’t need to look worse, and hipsters and vintage mavens won’t want to buy them. Even op shops have standards.

Now that we’ve identified the hallmarks of dowdy, it’s time to take positive action. Next time you’re standing in front of your closet and wondering what on earth you should wear: Seize the dress! And the day – because you’re worth it. 

~

Come back next week for the Fifth Fashion Commandment, ‘When in doubt, thou must throw it out’. If you’ve just tuned in, or would like to refresh your memory, click here to review all the Fashion Commandments. 

New Look, Old Rules

Reminiscent of the full-skirted New Look of the 40s: silk blouse by Veronika Maine, wool skirt by Sü, 40s hat and gloves, 60s bag, stockings by Levante, shoes by BCBGOh how times have changed, and thank goodness for that! Though there is much to love about vintage fashion and style, I am so happy that the all-pervading enslavement to fashion rules and regulations that once held sway over women has been laid to rest.

Once, an elegant woman could not venture upon the street without her matching hat, gloves, shoes and bag. Moreover, there were separate sets for town and country, for sporting kit and dressy ensembles. These sets were comprised of all black items, (in addition, if possible, a set all in brown) and beige shoes with a straw handbag for summer.

In A Guide to Elegance (Harper Collins, 2003 ed.), Genevieve Antoine Dariaux opens the section on accessories with: ‘The accessories worn with an outfit – gloves, hat, shoes, and handbag – are among the most important elements of an elegant appearance. A modest dress or suit can triple its face value when it is worn with an elegant hat, bag, gloves and shoes, while a designer’s original can lose much of its prestige if its accessories have been carelessly selected.’

This sounds fine … at first glance. But read on and learn, for instance, that alligator was only worn with casual outfits (it would be vulgar and nouveau riche to carry an expensive alligator bag with dressy clothes); trousers should never be worn with a heel, rather ballerinas or moccasins; and coloured shoes were suitable with evening dresses and nothing else, while white were worn only in summer with a white dress (and never in the city, except in the tropics). Preferably, gloves should be glacé kidskin, followed by suede and antelope (which need to be replaced often to remain fresh), and good quality nylon. Crocheted lace or transparent nylon gloves were an abomination. As for novelty handbags: Out.

These are the shoes Dariaux lists as having no place in the elegant woman’s wardrobe:

• too high heels (vulgar – 2.5 inches max);
• open-toed shoes (toes might get stepped on, or wet in the rain);
• wedge heels (awkward, with transparent heels being in particularly bad taste);
• ankle straps (unflattering and cheap-looking);
• extra pointy-toed shoes (the empty toes curl skywards with wear);
• and all other kinds of shoes that attract too much attention (they attract too much attention).

She decrees: ‘Shoes should be the complement of an ensemble, never an end to themselves.’

How thankful I am we are freed from this kind of sartorial tyranny today …

A (mostly) proper all black set: vintage 40s wool felt hat and suede gloves, vintage 60s vinyl bag, patent Mary-Jane shoes by BCBG (new)Oh dear. While I don’t know her view on millinery (the chapter is mysteriously omitted from the re-edition of her book), I fail on every other count. A Guide to Elegance was first published in 1964, the era of the Youthquake and the mini, which I find surprising – perhaps it was Dariaux’s response to all the shocking sartorial vulgarities and blunders she saw around her. Though her book does contain many gems still applicable today, and it is an entertaining read, she must have seemed fossilised even then.

How thankful I am we are freed from this kind of sartorial tyranny today – we are able to express our personality and choose our accessories a little more lightheartedly. Life’s too short to take fashion so seriously. Vive la liberté!

Full Complement

Nude shoes, vintage 60s bag, David Lawrence beltGone are the days when true chic required that a woman’s accessories all matched in colour and material, depending upon whether she was in the city or visiting the country. It is much more interesting and modern today to mix and match and complement the outfit as a whole.

Vintage 70s bag, Zoe Wittner heelsThis doesn’t mean that you merely choose accessories at random: it is in fact more difficult to mix disparate items than to simply wear a complete matching set. Obviously the colours, textures and patterns of your clothes must be taken into account. Also consider the occasion and time of day; sometimes evening accessories such as a sequinned scarf might work with a daytime ensemble, sometimes they won’t.

Mango belt, Diana Ferrari heelsA nice way to combine non-matching items is to match finishes or textures, even if the items are different colours. Here are four sets, using patent leather, snakeskin, pony hair and cowhide. The patent set tones peach and dove grey with glossy black; the similar shadings of reptiles in the snakeskin set unite black patent and white plastic; black pony hair and suede is matched with a zebra-printed obi belt of pony hair; and finally the cowhide set achieves an earthy, rustic look through warm tone and texture. 

So go ahead and mix and match and wait for the compliments to roll in! 

Vintage belt, Hong Kong souvenir bag, Wittner sandals

What I Actually Wore #0085

Serial #: 0085
Date: 17/08/2012
Weather: 11°
Time Allowed: 12 minutes

I am currently busy writing the text for the Fourth Fashion Commandment (Thou Shalt Not Own Any Ugly or Dowdy Raiment), and looking at this picture now makes me regret throwing out this dress, because it would be the perfect example of Ugly or Dowdy Raiment to remodel for you (in such a way so as to expose its full dowdiness to you). Admittedly, this is a subjective viewpoint, for two of my friends protested my proposed ruthless intention to bin it. I ignored them though, because I Know What I Know.

The dress was vintage, cotton knit, asymmetrically cut, and grey – all pluses in my book. The unusual neckline featured an ordinary collar on the left, and a large lapel/shawl collar on the right, which was an amusing detail. But it had one big bad minus: it was baggy and ill-fitting. It really ought to have had a tiny percentage of elastane in that fibre mix, that’s what the problem was. Still, I decided to give it one more chance.

Perhaps I could brighten it up with some accessories: a jaunty periwinkle blue velvet 50s cap, black crocheted stockings and dove grey suede boots (I like mixing my greys) and some silver and enamel bauble earrings. However, the only way to make the dress itself work was to cover it up and belt it. But what would happen when I became too warm?

This story is going from bad to worse, isn’t it? For of course I couldn’t remove the cardigan – I would have to suffer heat exhaustion in the accumulated afternoon heat of the office.

Painful but beautiful shoes I will put up with (up to and including blisters, though I draw the line at bleeding), but there are limits to my willingness to suffer for fashion. Feeling hot is not an option: the dress was out. Also, it didn’t fit properly.

This time, accessories did not save the day.

Items:

Dress: vintage
Camisole: Enamel
Cardigan: Anthropologie
Hat: vintage
Belt: Alta Linea
Stockings: Columbine
Earrings: handmade by me
Rings: (onyx) souvenir, (silver) Roun
Boots: Roc